Page 13 - Black Velvet Issue 97

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“This was something I felt in my heart”, of times, but the biggest thing which has held ble time but I’ll make it through and I’ll make it
she says. “I brought it to them about six years me back is myself and I feel like because I through the next one.”
ago. I’d been touring with Skillet and had seen was able to overcome and actually step into There is no understating the importance
the power of music. We travel from America these opportunities and not shy away from of this subject to Jen and so we ask if she has
to Russia to Japan to Australia and the them, this is a victory. Truthfully, I’m not super any words for anyone who is going through
amount of people who have come to us and concerned with how the Ledger project goes, something similar to what she has experi-
said, “I was going to kill myself and then I but I am super concerned I had the courage enced. She replies, “I just think I need to tell
heard your song last night and it saved my to do it. That was the biggest thing for me be- them to never give up fighting it. It is going to
life,” or “I was addicted to meth and your song cause I am someone who is like, ‘Ahh, it’s just keep coming back and it’s gonna be some-
helped me stop and I’ve been clean for five too much,’ and so the fact I’ve overcome my- thing you have to battle with, but don’t let the
years,” and we just met so many people like self and stepped into something that I think is fact that it came back when you thought you
that that I started to see the incredible power a bit of a destiny thing and I didn’t shy away were through it defeat you. It will hurt, but your
of music. Also, at the same time, I was seeing and I took chances, you know what; the rest life is worth fighting for. Some people find it re-
a lot of young girls looking to me and wanting is in God’s hands to me. I don’t know how it’s ally hard to just step outside the house and
to know what I think or say and so it was a going to do, but I know I didn’t back down and when you start living in surrender to it, that is
mixture of all those things and I sort of felt this I did go for it and I’ve no regrets that I actually when you lose your life. It’s ok if you struggle
stirring in my heart that this was something took the chance.” with it, you just have to rely on your heart and
else I was supposed to be learning and train- Jen sings about breaking the mould, never give up fighting it.”
ing to do. telling Black Velvet that she doesn’t care what
“So I shared it with the Coopers and people think of her now. “I am a Christian and ne of our favourite songs on the EP
Korey took me under her wing and started that is just so not popular, it’s something peo- Ois ‘Ruins’, which Jen had already told
teaching me what it means to write a song. ple hate you for. I’m in a freaking rock band us is the only one of the six songs on the
We started writing six years ago and I’ve been and we’ve heard so many times that we record which was among the initial songs she
working on this project ever since. Only one should stop talking about the fact that we are wrote when work towards her solo project
of the songs made it that far, which was Christian and if we did we would be more fa- began. Jen confirms that it is both a breakup
‘Ruins’; we wrote that the very first year, so it’s mous and have way more success. It’s just, song and a love song. “Most people think it is
pretty cool seeing the way it all worked out. basically, people don’t like it and think it is old just a break up song. I wanted it to sound like
They have been incredibly supportive.” fashioned, and for me, I’m like, this has be- a breakup song, that was my goal, but the
come so incredibly real to me that if you actu- thing that I love so much about ‘Ruins’ is that
oing back to the recent Joy Un- ally look at who Jesus was and what he did it is in fact both. It’s basically about being
Gleashed tour in America which has while he lived here you cannot ignore the fact wrecked by love. On the one hand, it’s about
been headlined by Skillet and opened by that he made a big impact on the world and being wrecked by a love that hurt you, that
Ledger we ask Jen to tell us about the chal- for me, that is what I live for. I live for him and made you feel like,‘I never wanna go through
lenges of working double time at these shows. I am not ashamed. It’s really unpopular to be this pain again’; it makes you feel guarded
The question is met with an immediate laugh Christian in the rock world and I just don’t and that you don’t want to be vulnerable be-
as she tells us, “Honestly, it was more stretch- care. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m proud of it, I’d cause it is just too, too heartbreaking and too
ing than I ever imagined it could be. die for it. I’d be cooler if I was a reality TV star painful. And on the other hand, it’s about
“Because I’ve always been playing with who cared more about my cars and my being wrecked or ruined in the sense that you
Skillet but then coming out from behind the money and looking amazing, but instead I have been spoiled, you know, by something
drums to sing ‘Hero’ and every now and again don’t care about all that. I live for something that is so good. So what I’m actually singing
I would do another duet, I thought I should be else and I’m not going to shy away from that about there is a struggle, because yes, I’ve
ok, surely. But stepping out without John there and I don’t care if it makes me less popular.” been wrecked by a love that hurt me, but on
and looking at that crowd, who are looking at the other hand I’ve been ruined by a love so
the stage and don’t know any of my music yet, he opening song and also the first sin- good. For me this is about my faith in God,
I was like, ‘What was I thinking?!’ It was pretty Tgle of the EP is ‘Not Dead Yet’, a song when I became a Christian as a teenager and
terrifying and I felt very vulnerable. I don’t which Jen had previously said she wrote in re- then I got into Skillet and my whole life
have John Cooper, the best frontman ever, sponse to her battles with anxiety and a song changed.
carrying it and doing the banter in between the which she said she hopes proves as powerful “I never imagined this could be real and
songs. All of a sudden, him not being there to others as it has to her, once again under- the idea of this God who is this God of the im-
and it’s me and my songs, it’s my thoughts lining her incredible commitment and desire to possible and a God as loving and whose love
from my heart that we are singing, it’s all very trying to help others through her music. is never-ending, who is good and kind. I was
vulnerable. It was all pretty stretching and Asked if her anxiety is a side of her which leaning into a love which is too good to be true
pretty intimidating that first night, but I feel like people don’t see, Jen immediately replies and once that changed my life, I recognised I
I’m getting more comfortable each night. I without hesitation, “Absolutely. Yes, definitely. can never go back to how I lived before. So it
think it was a shock to the system the first This is something that can make you feel a lit- was kind of about my journey to becoming a
night. I’m finding my footing as the tour goes tle bit ashamed. People think I’m one thing; Christian. I’ve been hurt in the past and this is
and also learning how to keep my energy up there was a time a few years ago which was hard for me to trust, this is really hard for me
for the end of the night too. incredibly intense for me. I’d never been to lean into and then when I did lean into it and
“That first night was so emotionally through anything like that before. I was wak- gave my life to it, everything changed for me.
stretching and the adrenaline was such a hit ing up with nervous panic attacks and feelings And now I can never go back to my old life,
that when it came to the Skillet show I felt like of incredible terror and truthfully I was like, it’s what I live for now, and that’s what it meant
I’d already worked so hard so I had to like ‘Who am I?’ I can’t even explain what I was to be ruined in the sense that I’m ruined by
calm myself. But I feel now I’m more in the going through and it made me feel lost. I was something so good that my life is completely
groove of it and I’m getting used to it and I’m so confused because this was not something changed now.”
able to keep my energy high for both shows.” I had struggled with before and for me that lit- Jen’s life HAS completely changed, and
tle feeling of, ‘Gosh, if people knew this is who many of us will be very, very thankful for that.
or someone who has achieved so you really were, that you are this frail, it would And with that final thought it is time for us to
Fmuch in a still young life many would be really humiliating for you’. part ways as Jen prepares for another busy
look to Jen and consider her story to have al- “So this song became a sort of theme night of not only entertaining but inspiring and
ready been a victory but now, with the latest song, a fight song, of yeah, I might be broken, by being bold she also proves herself to not
chapter being written, we wonder if she con- but I’m going to go down swinging and I’m not only be courageous and brave, but to hope-
sidered her solo EP to also be a victory or going to let these feelings of weakness or fully encourage others to do the exact same.
whether more work and goals needed to be being ashamed or the fact that I’m not perfect
accomplished for her to consider it a win and hold me back. I don’t care anymore. I’m going Visit www.ledgerband.com for more info.
we haven’t even completed the question to live my life. Even if I do get a bit broken or
when Jen meets us with a firm “Yes”. She con- a bit bruised, I’ll go down swinging. And if Words By Michael Coventry
tinues, “That’s a great question. I feel like, for these things keep coming back and trying to
me, yes, because, and I know I’ve said it a lot suffocate me, I may be going through a terri- Live Photo By Gina Monahan

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